Looking back at the time I posted my first entry, I remember the feeling of pessimism. Well, considering the situation that has been going on for quite a long time now, I feel the same. I was 18 when this virus came into our lives and now I am 20. Looking through this perspective also contributes to my pessimism. I feel like I am trying so hard to pass my finals, or doing my best to increase my GPA. However, it feels like it is for nothing because nothing is certain about the future. It is getting worse day by day. Sometimes I feel better than this like everyone else and sometimes a seed of hope grows into me but then it fades away. Writing here kind of helps me to clear my thoughts and at least give me some motivation about the way life is these days. To be honest, I don’t know when this is all going to end but I am tired of this. I know a lot of people feel the same. There was one thing that I have wanted since I was in middle school. I gained the right to make that wish happen but the conditions didn’t seem to help me a ton. Keeping myself sane by imagining the great days to come is getting harder day by day. We’ll figure it out somehow though. I hope.
Having just started relationship at the beginning of lockdown, I’ve found lockdown seemingly especially difficult, constantly being torn between following the rules (which appear to be growing ever more ridiculous) and spending time with my s/o. Last year a close family member had also been diagnosed with cancer so their treatment has been halted and messed with during the pandemic. The whole thing has made me realise that no one is invincible and even my close family heroes I have won’t live forever, and that’s been quite a revolutionary thought for me, because if they can’t live forever, neither can I.
Submitted 23 January 2021
I thought studying a Masters during this time would be a good idea. What else was I going to do when jobs were so hard to get. But now I realise just how much I miss attending seminars in person and actually being able to take advantage of the library. I am really starting to struggle now not only in my academic work but to feel like things will get better. I think the best way to describe it is that this phase of the pandemic has just made me tired in every sense of the word
Submitted 19 January 2021
I am breaking.
I have 3 massive deadlines to hand in 2 weeks time. Works out to be around 9000 words all told.
Have I been able to do any of the work that leads to those 9000 words.. No.
Why am I still doing this?
We discovered my mother has breast cancer in the middle of this pandemic, with this lockdown now it’s going to be more difficult than ever. No one can go see her when she’s in hospital for a week after her surgery, we must all self isolate before the surgery, I lose the support of physically seeing my best friend which will certainly take a toll on my mental health. I’ll have to learn from home, unlike during the “circuit breaker” lockdown of November, where my one day a week to travel to university was my saving grace. 2021 has only just begun and it feels as awful as last year, if not worse.
Once again, University students have been completely neglected by the Government. There was zero mention of Universities and their students in tonight’s speech, and the only time University students have been mentioned during this pandemic is when we were blamed for the second wave. Why are we not on the agenda for recognition? Do the government believe that we are immune to the pandemic?
Being a third year university student is tough as it is, and the government has failed to provide any coherent support or guidance for us in this difficult time. We are still required to pay rent for a house that we are not legally allowed to live in, we are still being charged the full tuition fee for remote learning, and we are still expected to produce high quality work with no access to campus facilities. and face to face teaching.
Are we a joke to you boris? I am not alone when I say that my mental health has completely deteriorated. I am stuck in my childhood bedroom with no motivation to finish my degree, or to do anything really. I feel numb. We deserve compensation either financially, or the renewal of the non-detriment policy for our submissions. Both would be preferred.
Though I must add that this submission is in no way aimed at my university lecturers- the government are the real culprits. Not us. My lecturers have all been so supportive, and I know that every single one of them tried their hardest to deliver their modules as normal as possible. I was one of the lucky ones because I even managed to get a few hours of face-to-face teaching, but this was not a universal experience for undergrads.
This needs to be the last national lockdown; I don’t know how much I can take anymore. I just want to give my grandparents a hug.
Its been 294 days since I last stepped foot into university. Will I ever sit among my classmates again? It seems I may be a masochist.. I’m paying Thousands for added stress and impossible deadlines and accommodation I am not legally permitted to return to.