Monday 11 May, 00.24 – I Can’t Sleep.
I can’t sleep. Earlier today (although it’s actually the day after at time of writing) Prime Minister Boris ‘Take It On The Chin’ Johnson spoke in a prerecorded speech about steps moving forward. It has become clear, or at least it feels clear to me that we are nowhere near ready. If you are not planning to reopen hospitality until at least 1st July (perhaps more details are to come but the dates feel abstract- did they literally just pick the start of a month because it sounded good?) then we are far away from this being over. I felt like I knew this, but hearing it always feels worse.
I do wonder if his own experience of the virus has made him realise just how serious the matter is. He seemed deadly serious in his speech – slamming tables, stressing the crisis in care homes – and yet I cannot take the man seriously. He and his government have put my family and friends at risk – something I cannot forgive. I suppose it is not personal, but I can’t help but take it very personally. They have given unclear and inconsistent advice and failed to provide adequate support where needed – and now it feels as though the plan is to blackmail the poorest in society into going back into work to kickstart the economy. I am lucky and very privileged- I work from home safely. I worry for my mother – this whole time she has continued to go to her minimum wage manufacturing job despite having conditions that place her in the high risk category, but she is too afraid that she cannot afford to isolate.
And so, tonight I can’t sleep because I am filled with fear and rage and anxiety. Sleep is the only time I don’t feel haunted by the virus (and this isn’t even true every night anymore) and tonight the government have even taken sleep from me. I do hope the Prime Minister’s new baby gives him the same issue.