23 May 2020
I almost put the date above as 23 March. Still can’t get over how warped time feels lately.
A lot of things are warped. What struck me this weekend, is that after 9 weeks of only going outside for essential shopping, a total of once a week, or once a fortnight where I could get away with it, I have become afraid of going outside. That’s pretty warped.
As restrictions have been lifted friends have asked if I want to go for a walk in a park, 2 metres apart and all that. And I want so badly to see people. It’s been so long and I know my mental health has taken a hit and I would maybe feel better if I went out. But when they asked, I felt it so quickly – a tightness in my chest because I can’t go outside that’s where the virus is, I’d be putting people at risk, myself at risk. I’m scared I’ll get sick and die, or get arrested and fined. I know I’m probably being stupid really, but I can’t stop the panic as soon as I think about being in public with other people.
So that’s what I learned this week- I’m scared to see my friends.