After I left my hometown and finally started my undergraduate degree, I thought I’d left panic attacks behind. Now I’m having them again, but in totally different circumstances.
A crowd with no feeling of escape or solitude used to set me off. Now, I spend a day staring at a blank computer screen, trying to summon the energy and motivation to just. write. something, and before I know it the day’s over, I’ve achieved nothing, and I’m having another attack.
My deadlines are as strict as before. I can’t claim exceptional circumstances because everyone’s going through the same thing, and I am going to meet my deadlines and pass this course, but at what price? I can feel my mind slowly twisting into something other than itself. I can’t have a future without this degree, but is it going to cost me my future to get it?