Dr Kristopher Lovell

16th June 2020 –

I went back to work for the first time yesterday. I felt apprehensive at being in school again. My heart was racing as I approached the gates. Then I calmed. The day was fine, the kids happy to see me. It was all in my head. Then i returned home and the anxiety returned. I bathed straight away. washed several times. disinfected my hands multiple times before eating. The whole thing happened again today.

I was saying to a work colleague the other day that I was in two minds about the Covid panic. Part of me is done with the lock-down. I want it to be over, and for life to return to normality. To return to my daily routine of behaviour management and educating. To return to the normal. Another part of me knows I will miss this when it is all over. The last 3 months have given me some needed R&R and allowed me to pursue my other interests. I’ve read more books in the last few months than in years, (other than for academic purposes). I’ve completed video games, and watch films without guilt. I’ve rekindled old friendships over Skype, and started a new role-playing group with those old uni friends. I’ve become a more conscientious partner to my amazing fiance. All of this because of the lock-down. So part of me will miss these months when life returns to normal.

I realise my experience has been different to others. I’m in a protected profession, and thus have not to worry about paychecks. I live in a quite country village, so have not had to deal with crowds or busy public space. Early on I was categorised as a shielding case, but was then changed category some time later, when the Government moved around priorities, so I have been given a lot of help from my job, whilst being able to reap the benefits of not shielding.

I have felt some odd feelings in the last few weeks. I have seen the BLM movement change the discussion in our country, and have felt powerless to help because of my at risk nature. In my normal life I would be out their protesting, and educating my students on the issues of the day. I have been unable to do this in lock-down, and it has been the most painful aspect of the whole crisis for me.

I have been lucky to be isolated with some one who cares deeply for me, and I for her. I cannot wait to be out of this, and to see my family and friends in person again. But as I say, a small part of me will miss this when it is all over.